Chain of Comedic Clichés
by Firefly Knights
Summary: Short comic pieces about Organization. Inspired by a conversation on a road trip. Randomness! V up!
1. I: Education Session

Don't own Kingdom Hearts or Catch-22. You will see the obvious spoofage/plagerism...

Chapter VIII was the first one written so I'll have to write the first seven before I keep going...Wish me luck and review after I'm done!

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**Chain of Comedic Clichés**

I: Education Session, a tribute to Catch-22

Xemnas tapped his foot impatiently. Tappy-tap it went ticking off the seconds that the others were late. The education sessions were his new idea to explain to his little group of Nobodies the importance of this battle they were waging with every other being in the universe. He had sent messages to them that it they would be held at Sequel Island at precisely 10 am. It was 10:01, yet, none but Namine had come. She wasn't even part of Organization XIII...This was _important_. Why could they not understand the great importance of knowledge and how easily it was converted to power?

The leader of the soon-to-be-very-infamous Organization XIII looked up with a flutter in his non-existent heart when two of his followers came through the door...Squabbling...

_Well...at least they made it_, said Xemnas to himself. It made him feel slightly better as the idiots came in.

The squabblers were Axel and Xigbar, who were arguing about something that had to do with posters, books, fire, etc. Larxene came in right behind them, giggling. She was being escorted by Leaxeaus, who seemed quite fit for the position, blocking off fire and laser-beams with his rocks. At least now they were coming in.

Soon, Zexion came in with his pet skunk, Flunk. Flunk sat curled up in Zexion's slender arms like a cat. Flunk was Zexion's best friend, and that my friends is very sad indeed. After Zexion and dear Flunk came Luxord, who was mindless shuffling cards, and Xaldin. The wind-user was cursing about his gummi-ship crashing, but no one took notice.

Everyone was getting settled when there were roared curses from down the hall. Every head turned around to see. Demyx stumbled in and supported himself on the doorframe, laughing his head off. He pointed behind him, almost passing out from lack of oxygen. The sitar-playing Nobody had turned the entire hallway into a fast-flowing river. At the other end of the hall, the stairs had become a waterfall of death. Xemnas made a mental note to send Demyx to a very unpleasant place on all coming missions. The "practical jokes" were getting very dangerous.

Vexen had saved himself by freezing the water under him. He was floating backwards looking for any sign of Saix, who he had entered with. Marluxia, who came up the stairs just as the river was started, was riding on a huge, bright pink flower, frowning down at his cloak that was throughly　soaked with ice-cold water. Demyx pointed and laughed as Roxas grabbed a statue to avoid being washed away. Xemnas didn't like the group dynamics of his organization at all.

He was going to need a lot of aspirins.

"...and that's why we have to make Sora defeat armies of Heartless," concluded Xemnas, "Any questions?"

Xemnas would regret asking the question for questions.

"Who is Kingdom Hearts?" asked Demyx, in that annoying, whiny voice that he had. Xemnas was about to correct the young man's grammar as well as try to answer the question when　Larxene smiled and raised a hand,

"Why is Sora?"

Soon there were questions coming out of the idiot side of Organization XIII like,

"When is darkness?"

"Where is that rigid and blond-haired old man I used to call Poppa when the science equipment broke down?"

"How was the trump at Munich?"(A/N Yeah I know...but didn't get this part...)

"Are the hills _really_ alive with the sound of music?"

"Why is everyone trying to kill me?"

Axel stood and asked in a victorious voice,

"Where are the Boxbs of yesteryear?"

Xemnas glared at him, "What?"

There was never a Boxb in the Organization. That was just the name Bob with an X. How stupid could skinny-man get?

"_Oú sont les Boxbs d'antan?"_ asked the crimson-haired man hoping the change of language would make the leader understand the question better...and get on his nerves even more.

"_Parles en anglais_, Axel," groaned Xemnas, rubbing his temples, "_Je ne parle pas fraçais."_

Axel leaned his chair back into Saix's face, "Good, 'cause I don't either."

Saix shoved him and his chair off, growling like a wild animal...well, a wet and angry wild animal. Vexen had found the moon-worshipper at the bottom of the stairs in berserk-mode...taking his rage out on a statue of Morgana for The Little Mermaid 2.

Before Xemnas could put a foot down Axel had been tipped forward into Luxord, whose deck of cards flew around in every direction. He jumped up at the last minute, upsetting two other chairs where Namine and Roxas were chatting throughout Xemnas' lecture. Roxas whipped out his keyblades, shouting at Axel from making Namine cry. She wasn't, but by then other members had been affected by the sudden mayhem that she couldn't be heard. Xemnas covered his ears as fighting began in the meeting room. Why? Why were they the only one's he could find?

A good few minutes had passed and Namine sat at the Superior's feet, grinning sheepishly up at him. Flunk sat in her arms as Zexion was busy protecting himself from Demyx's sitar. Xemnas knew what they needed, a break. A long one...and something stronger for his own headache.

And so, The Chain of Comedic Clichés began.

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So it begins, please review with the utmost care and refined-ness. Immature comments will be laughed at by Demyx, who will laugh at anything I'm sure, and flames will be fed to Axel's powa! 


	2. II: Where the Rum REALLY Went

Plotholes are fun. (Yes, that's a plothole warning. It's really bad, too.)

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II: Where the Rum REALLY Went

"Yes, yes...but why is the RUM gone!" shouted Jack in protest. He shook an angry finger at Elizabeth.

Elizabeth gave the expression that said without saying: "Pointing is rude." She sighed. She looked over at Will, who was working hard on a silver sword. She tapped him on the shoulder and he looked up then glared daggers at Jack.

"I've more important things to do then listen to you whine about rum, you horrid pirate," he put his hammer aside and stood up straight, "If you must know, some strange man in a black cloak took it. Now leave me alone."

Jack poked Elizabeth, "What's gotten into him?"

"Under-appreciation..."

* * *

Sora fell into a plothole.

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Xigbar laughed as he entered the room. A mighty evil laugh. A mighty evil STONER laugh. Zexion could hear it across the Lion King 2-themed hallway and hid Flunk under the bed. Last time that laugh happened, their American Indian Virginia base blew up with laser! Evil STONER lasers! 

Yes now about Sequel Islands. It is known for its wonderful tropical climate and high class hotels. All Disney sequel themed! The place couldn't possibly get any evil...er...How Xemnas got so many grand suites in such little time no one knew for certain. Instead, they changed clothes to remain inconspicuous for their vacation. No keyblade-wielding idiots for this vacation.

Xigbar emptied the giant bag of alcohol onto the hotel room bed. Luxord shot a suspicious glance at Organization member II from the other side of the room. Luxord had been sitting there, shuffling cards in an armchair. He had hated but watched Demyx, that nutcase of a child sitar prodigy...Demyx himself was goofing off on the extra cot, annoyingly jump on the springs of the bed and the strings that held up Luxord's sanity. Saix was supposed to create a bed out of the table and chairs in the suite, but after saying something vague about the moon, he set off journeying. Axel took the spot, since he didn't like sleeping in the piano. The pyro was currently taking a shower or something. No one cared(, since this is the Xigbar fic).

The last time Xigbar had brought alcohol to the Organization, well...it wasn't pretty. Luxord didn't remember much of it, actually. He was unconscious most of the time, but his favorite casino EVER was destroyed. Demyx had told him excitedly that Axel exploded the place because fire and alcohol didn't mix very well. Luxord didn't really want to know how that could have possible destroyed the entire Las Vegas Strip, so of course, he didn't ask. Namine did a whole week of over-nighters replacing memories, they were all forced to repair the city, and the entire Organization swore never to let Axel within a 50 yard radius of alcohol ever again.

"Where did that come from?" asked Luxord, still shuffling cards. Demyx bounced happily on the bed, raising dust out of the Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World comforter. Luxord sneezed.

"Hey! This guy has a mohawk like me! 'Sept it's...ummm...not exactly the same!" little Demyx shouted, poking an Indian guy's face, "He kinda reminds me of Lexeaus. Like how meat-headed he looks."

Xigbar answered Luxord's question proudly, while effectively ingnoring Demyx,"I got it at Port Royal. The best rum's in the Caribbean, you know! The best!"

"..." Luxord decided to look for that Disney-sequel-themed casino. He wasn't going to stick around and get exploded by a drunken Axel. Demyx, being the nosy, annoying, whiny guy he was, attached himself to the back of the gambler's shirt.

"You're not going anywhere without an escort, Mr. Luxy-Lucky-Gambler-Man!"

With that, an annoyed Luxord and the leech of a Demyx disappeared the suite.

"Suit yourself, you idiot gambler. More for me," mumbled Mr. Xigy-Stoner-Priate-Sunaipa-Man(™ Demyx). He picked up a bottle and flopped onto a couch. He popped the cork out of a bottle with his teeth, when he seemed to remember something. He paused, leaning his head back slightly so the whole suite could hear his voice,

"Hey, Flamy!"

"What chu call me?" shouted Axel from the general area of the bathroom.

"Get something on and get out here!"

Axel did just that, coming into the room with a shirt, jeans, and a frown, "What, Xigbar?"

Xigbar didn't answer. Instead, he picked up the skinny, light man and threw Axel, who screamed curses, out the window,

"Has to be a 50 yard drop from here," and with that, Xigbar took a long swig of rum.

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.:bows and them shields self from Axel fangirls:. Reviews, guys, and may the rum be with you. 


	3. III: One Who Gets Beat Up by Females

Yay! I hated that writer's block. I'm sure you aren't reading this, but thank you, fellow-fangirl, for the idea.

Notice: Names are replaced with different words to protect the almost innocent.

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III: One Who Gets Beat Up by Females

Xaldin was lost again.

It wasn't anything new. Though he had a knack at using six floating spears, he didn't have enough street-smarts to be able to find where the heck he was unless he lived there. He even got lots in the World That Never Was the first few days. It was a problem, everyone knew that, so they usually sent he to places where the streets weren't complicated, or places he already knew.

He was with someone who could find the way back to the hotel when he started. Marluxia, however, didn't fully understand Number III's problem that well yet, and had left to find the local florist. (Who was rumored to be the most beautiful girl in all of Sequel Islands. But that is no matter, for this is the Xaldin chapter.) Now Xaldin was alone in a random street, not knowing where he was to go.

_Well, asking directions would be the best thing to do. Nothing can be done until I can find my way to the store, _Xaldin reasoned with himself. Taking a look around, he noticed an old woman walking on the same sidewalk he was. He walked up and tapped her shoulder,

"Excuse me, madam. Can you-"

The Whirlwind Lancer tasted pepper-spray. The man had no choice but to scream in agony. The old woman was shrieking something and began to beat the Xaldin with her purse. He could have sworn there were a few bricks in that purse. And perhaps a metal plate as well.

Getting back his senses Xaldin, our poor, abused hero, ran away from the crazy old woman. Why? Why did woman seem to hate him so? And people wonder why men never ask for direction. (Author: .:sigh:. I just realized that there was a commercial like that once. It's not intentional, don't sue me.)

Coughing, or hacking, the tall man chanced a look back. Was it his pained body and mind that imagined it, or were there more than one woman chasing him with a purse? He counted, nine. Since when? Were the female side of human's conspiring against him?

The angry mob of female humans uttered war-cry-like screams, failing their purses like morning stars. Xaldin made and uncharacteristic squeak before speeding up his flee. He dodged people and objects on his way, when he realized the stupidity of his running,

"I can fly, can't I?" he said to himself. How stupid could he get?

He summoned up his spears and rode up on them. Soon the mob was out of sight. He sighed,

"One of those days everyone keeps complaining about."

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Xaldin, our large sideburned main character for the chapter, landed safely on a strangely shaped tree. It seemed to be a willow, but it was very freakily misshapen, with a stump looking protrusion in front of it. Our hero landed on the stump-looking-thing anyways, and sat to recover his composure. 

"Who are you child?"

"What in the name of-?" Xaldin shouted assembling his six spears around him, "Who's there?"

A knot on the tree morphed and became a face of an old woman...Old woman?

"You are a horrible thing," it said, wooden eyes glowing with a look of curiosity and confusion, "You do not seem to have a heart. You cannot listen with it. Therefore, you cannot live with the great spirits of this land."

Xaldin just looked up at the wooden face in shock and confusion. Was a tree really talking to him? "I can explain the reason I do-"

Before Xaldin could finish his sentence the branches of the tree began lashing at him from all directions. Xaldin made a surprised noise and retaliated with his spears. It was to no avail. The spears were soon weighted done by countless, yet oh-so-cuddy, woodland creatures. The poor wind user didn't have a chance.

Ah, the troubles of woman in a man's life.

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Again, I should probably run for cover. Badly written. Review, please! 


	4. Buffer Chapter 1

Buffer Chapter 1: Cheerful Comedic Keychain

Demyx hid behind Luxord. The gambler had found his casino and it was lively if sequel-themed gambling tables. He had to laugh as the younger member sneezed from cigarette smoke.

"Want to go home yet, Demyx my friend?" he asked in a carefree-manner. Demyx shook his blonde head. Luxord just shrugged, "Suit yourself."

Just theneveryone in an area near them screamed. The two Organization members turned to seem what was wrong. There were knocked-out people everywhere. Munny poured out of a slot machine in the middle of the room. A man sat at the said machine with a sheepish posture.

"I get lucky, then goes the room again," said the man, "Well at least I've won the game."

Luxord gasped. He waved a hand and grabbed Demyx, half-dragging him toward the man sitting in the cheap casino chair.

"Setzer! Where have you been, my dear friend?" he shouted jubilantly, "The last time I saw you, you almost lost the Blackjack to that cheater in Vector."

Setzer stared at Luxord for a while. A grin spread on his face, "Well if it isn't the Gambler of Fate. How I've longed to meet you once again. But as you can see," he gestured towards the result on his slot machine. A clear triple 7, "Destiny simply does not want me to play slots for fun."

And so was the trouble with Setzer, cards, dice, and even slot machines were very powerful weapons when the free-spirited gambler used them.

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Axel found a Xaldin that was practically torn to ribbons. He waved a not broken arm,

"What happened to you, Number III?"

"Crazy willow tree attacked me. You?"

"Thrown out of a window by a drunk."

"I see..."

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Ahem. Just to get those ideas onto something. If you don't get the part with Setzer, study FFVI! 


	5. IV: The Pursuit of Knowledge

I had one idea, wrote it, didn't like it, changed it, and rewrote everything. Sorry this took so long and yet it probably still sucks…

Why, Vexen? Why are you so hard to write about!

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IV: The Pursuit of Knowledge and its Many Obstacles

Night fell quickly on Sequel Islands. Marluxia had found the girl who worked at the flower store, Luxord and Setzer gave back all the munny they had won to pay for damages that the latter had caused, and no one knew where Saix was. Everything went back to normal, which for the Organization was a still a bit chaotic. It was as is someone had pushed a reset button that no one knew about.

Morning came withVexen standing over his chemistry set, talking to himself. Zexion ignored it as usual and continued to read his novel. Vexen always did that, it made him sound insane. It was like watching a generic mad scientist on TV. Except Vexen was real, and liked to test things on everyone and that was always a problem. Slightly afraid, Zexion shaking flipped the page.

Vexen himself was near a new scientific breakthrough. He wondered how all of his fellow scientists, which unbelievably included Braig a.k.a. Xigbar, could have lost their need to pursuit further knowledge about themselves and the Heartless. It was absolutely fascinating how the heart and the absence thereof worked. They used to research all day in that musty lab that _Ienzo_ insisted to be in the basement because their experiments "threatened the safety of the citizens of Radiant Garden." They used to enjoy working there, despite the location, and Vexen still would have if "DiZ" wasn't such a threat to them.

Now, back to that scientific breakthrough. Vexen peered through a piece of ice that was specialized to be a magnifying device. In a neatly labeled test tube was pure darkness, in another was nothing, or seemingly nothing. Vexen magnified closer so he could see the tiny microorganisms in the test tube. This was the subject of the experiment, microorganisms. They were alive, therefore they most likely have hearts, which in turn allows the chance of there being microorganism Heartless and Nobodies.

How useful would micro organic Nobodies be? Ahh, the possibilities were absolutely endless! Even more, a viral Nobody could be used so effectively for their cause as a bio-threat. How easily could they have entire worlds given to them if they threatened a controlled plague? It would be so simple to-

Vexen's line of rather boring and rambling thoughts of world domination through bio-terrorism was cut off by Zexion asking a question;

"Vexen, where are the healing potions?"

Vexen looked away from his work to see a rather worried looking Zexion. Sighed and dug into his pockets. The scientist fished out a pointy silver key and handed it to the younger member and answered his question,

"They're in the silver-blue suitcase, Zexion."

The worried little person thanked him. Leaving the book open on the armchair, the Cloaked Schemer left. Vexen turned back to his work.

Vexen used his rather clammy ungloved hands to slowly transfer the darkness into the test tube with the microorganisms. They little thing began moving to the end of the test tube. Even non-thinking beings knew by instinct to move away from darkness, the manifestation of evil. The darkness curled closer and Vexen watched carefully as-

Demyx hop-skipped into the room. He ran up to the table with the set, almost knocking over things. He began speaking really fast, not making sure that his listener could understand,

"VexenyougottocomeandhelpAxel'slikeburningbeachparasolsoutthereandIcan'tmakehimstopbymyselfTheairiswaaaaaaytoodryandIcan'tusetheoceanwaterbecausepeopleareinitandIdon'twanttokillthemtooandVexencome..."

Vexen put down a test tube and covered the water-users mouth with the freed hand, "Now, Demyx, talking is a two person activity. I have to understand you to-"

Demyx was all panicky and wasn't about to stop speaking so he could _talk_, "NoreallyVexenweneedtogonowsinceXemnastoldmethatyouhaveaairchangerthatcamemakewatercomeoutofsomewheresoIcanputthefiresoutand..."

Vexen caught the word air-changer in the sentence and henceforth ignored Number X's ramble. He left his work on the table and strode across the room to where Lexeaus was sitting next to a window. As seemed to be his new hobby, the muscle of the Organization was solving another Sudoku puzzle. He was quite the master of them and had already finished a fifty or so huge ones in two days time. Vexen found the box he was looking for and pulled out from it a rather bulky machine with hoses coming out of it every which way. He then walked back to Demyx and pulled his hood from behind. When the guy turned Vexen handed him the machine.

"Take this to Xemnas, and tell him I'm busy. Alright, Demyx?"

Demyx saluted, and then rushed out of the room. Vexen once more turned to his chemistry set. What was it that brought everyone here for help? He began the experiment again.

"Vexen?"

"What?" snapped the irritated Vexen. He turned rather violently, scaring the heck out of Luxord who had just found his way in. Number IV took a deep breath, "Sorry, Luxord, what is it?"

"Sorry, it not really anything that important," answered the flustered gambler, "What are you doing, exactly."

Vexen grinned at the mention of his work, "Microbiology. Viral Nobodies. I'm almost done. What is it that you want, Luxord? I'll go get it."

The Gambler looked extremely greatful that the scientist wasn't as angry as he seemed, "Thank you, Vexen. I'm sure you're aware of the fire outside. We need to borrow the pyro restrainer."

The pyro restrainer was a simple rope that was developed by Vexen and powered by Demyx's water powers. It was extremely useful to capture Axel, since it nullified all fire powers. Vexen only needed to search under the table for it. He kept it close, since Axel was crazy, and ice powers didn't help in battle against fire powers.

Luxord soon left with the item. Vexen soon finished his experiment. The microscopic Nobodies ran around inside the test tube. Vexen commanded them to go and make Axel have a cold. That's what he gets for being the source of distraction. And of course, Lexeaus soon finished his Sudoku puzzle. Everyone was happy, except Axel who had a really bad cold.

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Hi. This chapter was pretty stupid. Vexen, you are _not_ fun to write about. You just aren't. Next is Lexeaus. He's cool. Yeah…whatever. 


	6. V: A Puzzle that No one can Solve

Why is this late you ask? Well I had finals, and then I twisted _both_ of my ankles. I still can't walk without being in pain.

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V: A Puzzle that No one can Solve

or

(_The Start of a Slightly Long Plot Since Random Shorts are Boring_)

"Checkmate, Number XI."

Marluxia looked at the chess board in front of him. His king was cornered from every possible direction. Every move that he could make with the dark-gray chess pieces would spell out defeat. Yup, he'd lost for the sixth time in a row…

to Lexeaus…who was solving a rubix cube at the same time.

The guy was a genius when it came to puzzles and board games. That made the "Silent Hero" himself quite a puzzle. Why was he good at this stuff, anyways? He didn't look the type at all. He _looked_ to type to be working out somewhere and have not a single thinking brain cell in his mind. Yet, the man was pure genius. A regular Harvard graduate. Marluxia had no idea what Harvard was, but it popped into his head as somewhere where really smart people graduated from.

"Another game?" offered Lexeaus, cleaning off the board. Marluxia shook his head and promptly left. Lexeaus shrugged and put the board and pieces away. No one seemed to want to go past game six.

He walked quietly over to the window to see what was happening outside. Some of the others were out on the beach. Larxene was sitting under a burnt beach parasol reading something. Most likely something extremely evil and sadistic. Roxas and Namine were having a grand old time recreating The Castle that Never Was with sand. Axel was there, too, since Xemnas had convinced Vexen to call off the Virus Nobodies. As the children finished Axel would burn the sand castle at a very fine-tuned temperature, causing it to rapidly transform into glass. It was actually rather entertaining to watch so the three were gathering a large crowd of touristy types who threw them money.

Lexeaus turned away from the window and was startled slightly. Xemnas stood there; he must have teleported within, since the door was locked. The quite man wondered what the Superior could want.

"Lexeaus, you know that Number VII has been gone for quite a while now, correct?"

Strong-man nodded for Xemnas to continue,

"I would like you to try and find him. I'm going to send Axel as well, since they seem to have the strange ability to find each other. Although most of the time it comes with bad results."

Lexeaus nodded again. That last time Number VII and VIII ran into each other alone The Castle that Never Was had been nearly completely destroyed. It was a good thing that Vexen kept the blueprints handy.

"That is why I am sending you to keep the search under control. Can I trust you to do this?"

"Yes sir," said Lexeaus with a nod.

If there was one thing Xemnas could trust, it was Lexeaus' inability to say no to orders. Even if said orders consisted of the danger of death.

* * *

The last anyone had seen of the mysterious Number VII, he was heading into the Big Huge Forest of Sequelness™. This is that forest where Xaldin was attacked by a willow tree and somewhere else Sora had fallen into a plothole. (Where he still is.) Anyhow, Lexeaus thanked the very convenient witness and began tramping into the Forest. Axel followed soon after, asking if he could just burn down the trees to find Saix every few minutes.

The Forest was full of woodland animals that were "adorable" and "huggable". In fact, the forest was so happy, it was pure evil. Birds sang in heavenly voices, sometimes even in people languages. Squirrels made the most adorable squeaky noises and scampered about with acorns. Out of the corner of his eye Lexeaus could see a bunch of trees and flowers dances happily. Oooooo…creepy.

As the pair continued to look for Saix, the sun was slowly creeping across the sky. Time crawled on slowly and Lexeaus really wished that Axel would stop his very much consistent whining. There were actually a lot of things he wished, but no one seemed to care too much. No one felt like spending time with Lexeaus enough to understand what went on in his head. It was like

"No one cares, Lex!" Axel grumbled, "We were getting so much accomplished today! Roxas, Namine, and I were creating a new art form! Xemnas never understands, Lex, he just doesn't get it."

"Lex" rolled his eyes ever so slightly. Axel continued his ramble about glass sand castles. All this drama, he had to smirk. In the days when he was a lab assistant, it was almost completely opposite. Everyone was so serious. Some still were, but the new people mixed things up.

Okey-Doky…Fondness and side-trackingness aside, all the forest was becoming very strange. There was a strange presence in the air. Weird, lumpy, dark blue clouds began to form above the two Organization members. Axel began sneezing uncontrollably. The trees grew closer and the forest floor became dark. The adorable woodland animals factor didn't seem to change however, so the happy bird singing continued. Lexeaus scratched at the back of his head, trying to shake of the foreboding feeling that something was going to go wrong. Like a really bad wrong.

The trees suddenly cleared to one of the strangest sights in the worlds. Saix stood in the middle of an eternally moonlit clearing. Around him were eerily glowing flowers that were probably the reason for Axel's sneezing.

"Friggin' moon-worshipper…"

**To be continued in the Saix chapter****

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**

Sorry about the long wait, again. Torp deserves most of the credit for the moon-worshipper thing… 


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